Everything was going so well – till it wasn’t. I was really beginning to find my groove as a yoga teacher. I was getting regular students to my classes and I was really starting to let my guard down and be myself, which felt rewarding and I was grateful. But in life, as we know, things change without warning and the past two weeks my teaching has been completely off. I felt like I was back a square one, I felt I had no idea what I was saying and to top it off, a fellow yogi from my teacher training course came along to class and it couldn’t have gone worse (except it always can, believe me). We had a good talk and laugh about it afterwards, she knows all too well how teaching can change from one class to the next, how one moment you’re feeling as if: “Yes! I am a yoga teacher!” and the next minute you’re all, “What the f*#% was that? I am the worst teacher ever!”
For a few days I let my thoughts wallow in self-pity. Which I knew was the worst thing I could do, so I was beating myself up about that too. I just couldn’t help myself. I felt very much like I was drowning in my own negative thoughts and I was beginning to question everything about my life – (insert verbal dribble here about my life – not going to actually do that because I don’t want to bore you!)
Then the full moon happened, I got sick, and serendipitously I got to spend an hour in deep conversation with a yoga and dance teacher who is also a single mum. Result? Boom! Clarity! Oh I love how the universe works! The answer of course is surrender, in yoga we know it as the fifth niyama – Ishvara Pranidhana. “Surrendering ourselves to something bigger than us – whether we call it God, nature, or the universe – is at the heart of ishvara pranidhana. We spend so much of the day in our own heads, listening to the endless chatter of our thoughts, and flitting from one worry the next. This pattern is so ingrained in us, but it’s almost always in an effort to control our circumstances and gauge how we’re doing. But relinquishing this control (or, as some would say, our false sense of control) to something bigger than ourselves is the goal.” Alice G. Walton, PhD (source).
Of course, I knew what I had to do all along – I just refused to see it. How easy it is to allow the drama of life to take control of our thoughts. Let that shit go Heidi! Isn’t that the mantra I’m always banging on about? Why yes it is!! Nothing stays the same forever, life is in a constant state of flux is it not? The key is to notice when we’re holding on too tight, to let go and breathe through it.
love & light xo
(images from Pinterest)