You may be wondering what I have been doing with myself while on my break from blogging? Well, the plain truth is that most of my time has been spent working (yes I know, sad) but in between endless work, being Mama to my girls, wife to my husband, etc, I’ve also applied and been accepted to Yoga Teacher Training! I’m very excited about this because it’s something I’ve wanted to do ever since I began practicing yoga over ten years ago. Finally I think I’m ready!
And so with commitment to teacher training comes the pre-commitment – six months of abstaining from any mind-altering substances (as well as for the duration of the training period of 12 months). That’s 18 months in total. Now, this commitment is the least of my concerns because these days the extent of my mind-altering substances is limited to red wine. So giving up red wine is not all that hard. At least, that’s what I told myself initially. The hard part is the commitment to a practice of daily mediation and yoga. That is the hard part for me. But more of that in a later post.
Of course you may be wondering – “So why the commitment to yoga teacher training then?” Well, it’s exactly for that reason. It’s because I need the commitment. I have to do it. The rebel side of Heidi is taunting me daily “you have no dedication, no staying power, no idea how hard this is going to be, ha!” Which is exactly why I must do it. What’s that saying by that writer? Oh yeah, “The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it – Steven Pressfield, the War of Art“. Besides, fear and excitement are the same thing, right? Or is it that they just feel the same?
Mercifully, my darling husband has also decided to quit drinking for the duration so it’s not been so difficult. If it’s not in the house, then you’re not tempted right? Actually, I’ve not been tempted at all. And there were times when I would drink red wine a lot, it was my comfort, my numbing device, my self medication for the times when things were too horrible to face or I just wanted relief from the sharpness of life’s problems. After a glass or two of my red medicine, nothing seemed too bad.
What I’ve noticed from not having anything to numb my bad days with is that I’m much more productive. I have loads more energy and I’m not struggling to help out more with homework, I’m sleeping better and my anxiety is much better. And while the house work is still my last priority, I’m not so annoyed about the tumble-weeds of dog hair that collect in the hallway anymore. 🙂
Another lovely thing that has come out of not drinking is my husband and I now have “tea time” every evening after the children have gone to bed. I make a pot of Chamomile tea and we sip this while nibbling on something I’ve baked like choc-chip cookies or something like that. It’s soothing, comforting and settling. Peaceful.
I’ve also begun a spa night for myself. Something I’ve not done for myself – ever! Scented candles, himalayan bath salts, face mask, a good book and I’m chill-axing in the tub. And if you know me at all, you would know I loath baths, but these days I am loving them!
Who says you can’t change a person?
love & light xo